Breakup breaking you?

When a relationship ends, it brings with it not just the agony of the partition but sometimes may also shatter a person’s self-concept. It is an extremely difficult time for some people who cannot cope with the loss and the hurt.

When a romantic relationship breaks-up, then an individual’s self concept, that is defined as the ‘sense of me’, is vulnerable to change. Usually romantic partners, over the time they are together, develop shared friends, activities and even sometimes overlapping self-concepts. The person who is left grieving in the relationship is the one who has a reduced sense of ‘me’ and this makes the person feel emotionally distressed.

After some time of being together, couples tend to feel complete with each other and become a part of a whole and when such a relationship ends, then the individual experiences immense pain, not only due to the separation but also because they realize that they have themselves changed. It can be an extremely turbulent time in our lives and can leave a deep sense of void in our personal sense of ‘me’.

The way in which the breakup happens also affects us and it shatters the person if the partner is cruel or unfaithful. An unfaithful partner can really hurt you. You stop believing and trusting anyone. Relationship experts say that it is extremely important to deal with the emotions post breakup and pull oneself up, because there can be a lot of problems in one’s life otherwise.

There may be a tendency to run into a rebound relationship as a source of comfort and a way of temporarily blotting out painful feelings and memories. For some others, they have to relieve their existential fear of being alone or their deepest un-healed issue of ‘no one loves me’ can surface and for the rest, a plain simple sense of lack of confidence in ‘I am not good enough’ comes alive. These innate self-fulfilling prophecies are part of our core beliefs that we have pushed under the carpet, buried deep below – which jump up like a jack-in-the-box. It can be extremely painful and distressing in the absence of an efficient support system. A person may tend to go into a shell.

In order to deal with the distress of a breakup one needs a very strong support system. A support system includes friends; social meetings, career, physical workout. Maybe even therapy is essential to work on the feelings of void and hatred that have surfaced. Every situation is an opportunity to heal, only if you allow it. Moreover, it is essential to, so that when you move into the next relationship, you know you are not on a rebound.
The clinical psychologist advises that it is important to experience an emotional transformation to free the grief stricken individual from the past. One must remember to take this breather so that one is not just replacing the love they lost (which can be easy, but don’t do it). Before jumping into a new relationship, ask yourself if your previous scars have healed and are you ready to handle the ups and downs of the new partner. If not, then the new relationship is doomed even before it begins. Work on loving yourself and build your self-esteem again.

Source : TOI

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